Fractures on Your Spine
by The Lady Avaritia
Summary: Exercises in futility. You don't need him anymore, you never did.


**Title: Fractures on Your Spine**

**Rating: T**  
><strong>Spoilers: G<strong>eneral

**Characters**: Near/Mello

**Summary: Exercises in futility. You don't need him anymore, you never did.**

**Disclaimer: **disclaimed

**Author: **_Lady Avaritia_

_-hands, lips, tongues, skin on skin, his sun kissed flesh and your bone like complexion, your hips fit together so perfectly, you grasp, you clutch, you press yourself closer to him, he is so strong you are so small and so skinny, you need protection you need him-_

But that was then and this is now, and you don't need anyone anymore. You are fine on your own (forever alone), you are perfect on your own. You don't need him, not like this, not anymore. Not when you can take each breath in and then slowly exhale it without remembering his golden hair and his ice blue eyes. You breathe on your own now.

_-his sweet kisses, his hands on your thin waist, you nestled against his chest, and his heart beats ba-dum, ba-dum, ba-dum, he is warm and real and oh-so-human, and you love him so much it hurts, you need him so much you might break, and does that make you a failure?-_

No. Because you're not like that anymore. You don't need him, not now, and not anymore, never anymore, especially not like this.

_-his body on yours, his hot breath on your neck, his hands roaming your paper thin body, and yes, this is perfect, oh, so perfect, you fit together so well, like broken puzzle pieces, and you are both so frantic, you clutch at bed sheets and pillows, and he leaves his fingerprints on the crime scene in the shape of purple and blue bruises on your hips and then you reach bliss, and your world is white washed and fragmented, and your mind is silent and you want to cry because the relief only lasts so long-_

But you are happy now. You are free from him and his hands and his poisonous words, trying to convince you that you need anyone else, how dare he, the nerve? You are perfect alone, you are self-sufficient, just like the man you stand for. He fell because he afforded himself the foolish notion that he might be happier with another human being, one so inferior to himself that…

But no. you are alright now. You are not like him, and you will not fall. You will follow in his footsteps but you will not make his mistakes. Not like this. Especially not like this. You will be self-sufficient. You do not need humans. You are not like them, empty little creatures, how boring must it be in their minds?

_-have you ever wondered if there's something wrong with us?-_

But you are better than that, better than them, and you do not need your inferiors. And Mello, how dare he attempt to convince you otherwise, how dare he? With his butterfly kisses and his soft touches and … how dare he?

And you stand in front of him, and he is dead, and you have won, you have finally won, you are the only successor, you are better than any of them, you outlived them all, and you are happy, you are, you are, you are…

-_And you look at that body, hands that used to touch you so gently, and lips that left small love bites on your delicate skin and his golden hair, now matted with blood, and how dare he, how dare he? THERE'S NOTHING WRONG WITH YOU! you don't need him anymore, you breathe alone-_

And you don't know how or why, but _how dare he?_ Turns into _I'm so sorry_, and then into _I love you_ and _I need you _but you don't need him, you don't need anyone, you are L, but you are not like him and you know, you know, you know that needing someone, that being human leads down only one path, and you will not fail where L did.

_-lock your humanity away, Little Near, you are self-sufficient, another marble child from Wammy's, a carbon-copy that is slightly different, slightly better, L failed because he afforded himself to feel, and you won't, not like that, not anymore, especially not for him, the last successor, the only who understood your mind, and the one you don't need anymore, he fell too, and now he is just another fallen idol, and you won, and you stand tall, even if you're so small, the winner stands alone-_

You don't need him anymore. You never needed him in the first place. And if you say it enough times, you may even believe your own futile lies.

**I hope this was some decent angst :)**


End file.
